Stages of Retreat
If you know, you know, if you don't....let me share
We’re getting ready for a deep meditation retreat this May on the East Coast. I love retreats, and know that everyone coming to the Nectar of Silence is going to get something profound—and individual—but I also know we all will go through very predictable stages over the course of our time together.
Stage one: Deciding
You know about the retreat. Some of you just can’t or won’t come this time and you’re clear about that. Some of you are coming and you’re all signed up. Otherwise, you know about the retreat, but you haven’t decided. You weigh your options; you weigh the investment, you weigh your desire. You want to come, but you have to decide if you’re going to apply or not. Then, you decide. If you get clear about “no”, then your stages stop here. If you decide yes, then you move on to the next stage.
Stage Two: Making it Happen
Different retreats have different steps to make it happen. You might need to arrange everything. You might just need to sign up. In our retreat, the next stage is to apply. This is a huge moment. You’re telling the universe that you’re committing to your own transformation, your own growth.
Stage Three: Setting Intention
This is different than just getting clear about your desire. Desire is just a feeling or the awareness of a need. Intention is actually a kind of aiming, a kind of calibration. Once you sign up, you need to have a clear intention. Intention for retreat is irrelevant if you’re not going on retreat, but if you’re going this will make sure all the energy you’re spending will go toward your goals. If you arrive without having an intention and I am leading the retreat, I will use the first session for you to get clear.
Stage Four: The Journey There
In my experience, journeying to a retreat is full of surprises and often is where the lessons of the retreat really begin. Sometimes it’s just a matter of journeying into our back yard or country house. Sometimes it’s a 30 hour trip to India.
Stage Five: Arrival
This is always a big moment. Whatever you thought before you arrived vanishes and you are there in the flesh. You meet the others you’re retreating with (or you meet your solitude if you’re retreating alone) and the teacher (s). You get into your accomodations, you get into the practice spaces, and everything is more real. I always pay attention when I arrive, often there is some little sign or signal about the retreat that comes right away. But after the arrival, that’s when the real deep stuff begins.
Stage Six: Demolition
I know, it sounds dramatic, but there is always some de-gunking, some thawing, some subtractive work that needs to happen. We need to get our world off of us and shift into the retreat mode. If we fight this stage, it can be hard, but with a little nudging from the retreat team (if you have one), it can be deeply relaxing. You’re off your phone. You’re off your hooks. You break open whatever seal you came in with and let the good stuff in.
Stage Seven: Resistance
I’m sorry to share this with you. It might make you not want to come. But I have to give it to you straight. People hit a wall of resistance at some point. Someone (or everyone) is getting your nerves. You’re bored. Or feel like you’re floundering. Or, even more common—you’re doing great and opening up and suddenly you’re tempted to sneak on your phone and somehow manange to sabbotage your own experience. But at this stage, many people want to quit. Some do. Some leave. Some just flop and leave without leaving. Some people cause trouble for the facilitator(s). But then…if you stay with it….
Stage Eight: Breakthrough!
On the other side of resistance is (almost) always a breakthrough. The resistance moment kind of climaxes your walls and holdbacks and when all that is done, grace flows in. Your heart opens. You “get it”. If you’re a little skilled and you have a good retreat team, you’ll be in this moment of breakthrough for a big chunk of the retreat. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it doesn’t happen till the end. But when I’m crafting a retreat (for myseld or for others), I try to go through stages 1-7 right away and spend the retreat in Stage 8. You can’t always control it. But friend—it’s sweet when you can ride that wave for a while.
Stage Nine: The Knowing
The fruit of the breakthrough is some new perspective, some self-knowledge, some kind of knowing. Sometimes it’s as simple as experiencing yourself in a less burdened state. Sometimes you’ll have a full on revelation in Stage 8 that sticks with you. In Stage 9, you start to look backward and forward into your life with new eyes and a more courageous, more forgiving heart.
Stage Ten: The Vowing
Stage Ten usually happens towards the end of a retreat. It's very important. Stage 10 is where you take your new perspective, you take the fruit of your breakthrough, and you resolve to live differently as a result. You vow to make some change. This can be done in a ceremony like a fire offering, or a declaration to the group. It can be done privately in your journal. But this moment, this stage is what gives you a sort of amulet from your retreat that you can take back into your life afterward.
Stage Eleven: The Departure
At some point the retreat is done and you need to return home. This is also a very crucial stage to remain awake. I caution retreat people to leave this stage until they are in their car driving. Otherwise we start to prepare our departure hours or days before we have to leave and cut short the time we are steeping in the power of retreat. When we go from the retreat, it’s important we don’t go “back”. We go forward into the next chapter of our life to fullfill the vows of Stage Ten. The retreat is not just a peak experience. It is an upgrading experience.
Stage Twelve: The Return
Most of us do return to the place we started from. In this stage, we have to hold on a little tight as we pass over the threshold of our homes and return into relationship with our loved ones. They weren’t with us. The dishes in our sink didn’t get washed while we were away from them. The world we return to was the world we were weaving before our breakthrough, before our new knowing. This is where our vows come into play. As soon as we arrive at our next destination—especially if it’s our home, we stride in new, we stride in more awake and more ready to create and enjoy a beautiful life.
Wanna Try it?
We’re doing a beautiful Silent Meditation Retreat May 15-19. Click the link below to see details.
